Monday, March 30, 2009

Bark: Why I will never buy a contract phone ever again

It's just taken me the best part of FORTY MINUTES to sit through a phone call with a "customer service" centre somewhere in India to get them to cancel the phone that has been sitting around uselessly (other than the odd call and text message by my dear lady) for the best part of a year. They really take the piss leaving you on hold for five minutes at a time to "get details", which, if their databases are anything up to scratch, will already have all the information sitting there right on screen in front of them by the time they put you on hold. (Oh, and having The Beatles singing "Here comes the sun" while I'm on hold seems wildly inappropriate. Besides, I can't stand the fucking Beatles...)

I've designed database tables and applications for the MoD and the British Airport Authority in my time - NOTHING fucking takes five minutes to retrieve. I could get VAX systems running faster than that. It's nothing more than a cheap tactic to try and make people give up on the call, which you're paying for the privilege for. What's worse is that the call is a courtesy on my behalf. I have internet banking, I could burn their direct debit in an instant. But no, they fuck you around for half an hour hoping that you're some monkey who's wondering how the phone works in the first place, on the off chance that they can out-wait you and make you forget the whole thing.

So fuck you [company that will remain nameless to deprive them of publicity], at least with a pay-as-you-go phone you can smash the fucker with a hammer and throw it away with impunity if you get sick of it.
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