Monday, October 29, 2007

Bark: I'm all ears

I'm having a catch up chat with my work cohort and buddy Charles, when in our usual spirit of throwing non-sequiturs at each other, he throws me a link to a picture. I don't know how he came into possession of the link, and I don't really want to know, either, but anyway: this was the picture.



Spot the difference. It's quite subtle, and I didn't notice at first, but yes, this girl has had plastic surgery to give her elf ears. The first question you immediately ask is "Why?", closely followed by "Dear God, why?!?"

The answer no doubt has something to do with the fact she can make a huge amount of money with an elf cosplay website, because there are slightly strange people who like that kind of thing. Each to their own, I suppose.

Then I realised that the link to the picture said "gallery1.jpg", which implied there were more. So I tweaked the URL and...



BY ALL THAT'S UNHOLY, DEAR BEELZEBUB, MY EYES!
AIIEEEEEE! RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!


It was at that point my bravery failed me. There may be more... You know, I can understand the girl doing it - I think she was fairly cute to begin with, so she can probably get away with it (at least until she's the wrong side of 40, anyway - by which point she'll have made so much money from her inevitable scantily-clad elf website that she can retire and have plastic surgery again to put them back to normal) and get a whole load of geek-sex from amorous elf-o-philes in the meantime. Though I'm not sure whether that classes as a bonus. But the bloke... deary me.

Really, I mean, why? Why don't you just tattoo "I will never, ever have sex again in my entire life" on your forehead? Or at least get a t-shirt with it monogrammed on. It'd be just as effective and a whole lot cheaper... It's as if being ginger wasn't large enough an impediment to getting laid and he thought "In for a penny..." (I'm not gingerist, by the way - female redheads are almost universally super-sexy, but whenever I see redheaded men, I think "ginger gnome". Cruel, perhaps, but still true... anyway, I digress)

Sorry, but I really just can't get over just how WRONG that picture is. I think I need to go and lie down now...
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