The World Pie-Eating Championship is in trouble with the healthy eating lobby, so they've had to change the contest from a three minute pie-chomping free-for-all to a one pie speed munch.
Some of the quotes are classic:
Dave Smyth, 48, from Hindley, won the first contest in 1992 when he ate four pies in three minutes.
He said: "This contest has always been about savouring as many pies as possible over a three-minute period, not sprinting through a few mouthfuls of a single pie.
"They've taken things too far this year: pies are supposed to be meat and potato and anything else just isn't normal."
Like having a pie-eating world championship is well adjusted...
Organiser Tony Callaghan, owner of Harry's Bar, indicated that the competition had to move with the times.
"I realise it may be controversial, but this is the way forward for pie-eating at this level," said Mr Callaghan.
"Pie-eating at this level"? What's that meant to mean? But wait, it gets worse.
"It will make for an exciting sporting spectacle"
I think someone's forgotten to take their medication...