The all-powerful Google scannerwotsits pick up on the keyword "Vampire" in the text of my email, and produce the following, and rather wonderful, advertising link:
The Vampire Name Generator.
The Great Archives determine you to have gone by the identity:
Known in some parts of the world as:
Hermes of Vermin
The Great Archives Record:
Feeds upon the creatures shunned by man.
Awesome. Just call me Zedkiel from now on, okay?