Thursday, March 13, 2003

Midnight Revelations

I always seem to do my best thinking when I'm about to fall asleep. Consequently, I have all these great ideas, fall asleep, and can't remember them in the morning. I'm sure I've lost a fortune in all that lost intellectual capital.

However, last night I had a bit of a revelation. No, not a vision of Aida's breasts, but the nature of the influence of my real life on the kind of games I play.

I've always been a mood gamer - I need to be in a certain mood to feel like playing a game. Last night I finally figured out the pattern, after analysing my current obsession with Planescape Torment.

I'm feeling a little professional restlessness at the moment - I have a meeting with my manager next week, I'm having a project Terms of Reference review this week, and I've decided to shift projects within the company by the end of September this year. I'm in professional flux - in need of realignment and focussing. I need to rediscover my ambition and passion for the IT Business. Hence, I'm playing Planescape. It's the perfect videogame representation of my current state of mind. A man with no memory or concept of what he is doing, engaging in a journey of self-discovery to find his place in the world.

When I've had a bad day, or I'm really angry with something or someone, I'll play an FPS, venting aggression. When I'm sick of the way petty politicians find ways to ruin the lives of ordinary people, I'll play Civ III or Supremacy - because I know I can do a better job of running things. When I'm feeling good and in control, I'll play Haegemonia or X-Com.
Each game has a particular niche in my psyche. It probably explains why I rarely finish games - my state of mind or mood isn't constant enough for a game to rigidly hold my attention for the time required to complete the game.

Does this sound familiar, or is it just me?

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