Wednesday, March 19, 2003

Ape Escape



Michael Moore has gone understandably apeshit. I got this on his mailing list today



Monday, March 17th, 2003


George W. Bush




Washington, DC


Dear Governor Bush:


So today is what you call "the moment of truth," the day that "France and the

rest of world have to show their cards on the table." I'm glad to hear that this

day has finally arrived. Because, I gotta tell ya, having survived 440 days of

your lying and conniving, I wasn't sure if I could take much more. So I'm glad

to hear that today is Truth Day, 'cause I got a few truths I would like to share

with you:


1. There is virtually NO ONE in America (talk radio nutters and Fox News aside)

who is gung-ho to go to war. Trust me on this one. Walk out of the White House

and on to any street in America and try to find five people who are PASSIONATE

about wanting to kill Iraqis. YOU WON'T FIND THEM! Why? 'Cause NO Iraqis have

ever come here and killed any of us! No Iraqi has even threatened to do that.

You see, this is how we average Americans think: If a certain so-and-so is not

perceived as a threat to our lives, then, believe it or not, we don't want to

kill him! Funny how that works!


2. The majority of Americans -- the ones who never elected you -- are not fooled

by your weapons of mass distraction. We know what the real issues are that

affect our daily lives -- and none of them begin with I or end in Q. Here's what

threatens us: two and a half million jobs lost since you took office, the stock

market having become a cruel joke, no one knowing if their retirement funds are

going to be there, gas now costs two dollars a gallon -- the list goes on and

on. Bombing Iraq will not make any of this go away. Only you need to go away for


3. As Bill Maher said last week, how bad do you have to suck to lose a

popularity contest with Saddam Hussein? The whole world is against you, Mr.

Bush. Count your fellow Americans among them.


4. The Pope has said this war is wrong, that it is a SIN. The Pope! But even

worse, the Dixie Chicks have now come out against you! How bad does it have to

get before you realize that you are an army of one on this war? Of course, this

is a war you personally won't have to fight. Just like when you went AWOL while

the poor were shipped to Vietnam in your place.


5. Of the 535 members of Congress, only ONE (Sen. Johnson of South Dakota) has

an enlisted son or daughter in the armed forces! If you really want to stand up

for America, please send your twin daughters over to Kuwait right now and let

them don their chemical warfare suits. And let's see every member of Congress

with a child of military age also sacrifice their kids for this war effort.

What's that you say? You don't THINK so? Well, hey, guess what -- we don't think

so either!


6. Finally, we love France. Yes, they have pulled some royal screw-ups. Yes,

some of them can be pretty damn annoying. But have you forgotten we wouldn't

even have this country known as America if it weren't for the French? That it

was their help in the Revolutionary War that won it for us? That it was France

who gave us our Statue of Liberty, a Frenchman who built the Chevrolet, and a

pair of French brothers who invented the movies? And now they are doing what

only a good friend can do -- tell you the truth about yourself, straight, no

b.s. Quit pissing on the French and thank them for getting it right for once.

You know, you really should have traveled more (like once) before you took over.

Your ignorance of the world has not only made you look stupid, it has painted

you into a corner you can't get out of.


Well, cheer up -- there IS good news. If you do go through with this war, more

than likely it will be over soon because I'm guessing there aren't a lot of

Iraqis willing to lay down their lives to protect Saddam Hussein. After you

"win" the war, you will enjoy a huge bump in the popularity polls as everyone

loves a winner -- and who doesn't like to see a good ass-whoopin' every now and

then (especially when it 's some third world ass!). And just like with

Afghanistan, we'll forget about what happens to a country after we bomb it

'cause that is just too complex! So try your best to ride this victory all the

way to next year's election. Of course, that's still a long ways away, so we'll

all get to have a good hardy-har-har while we watch the economy sink even

further down the toilet!


But, hey, who knows -- maybe you'll find Osama a few days before the election!

See, start thinking like THAT! Keep hope alive! Kill Iraqis -- they got our

oil!!


Yours,


Michael Moore


Can't say much fairer than that, really.


The government won the vote on Iraq last night, despite a major revolt. John Reid claims that it was a 'democratic decision'. I don't think so. Did my MP vote to reflect my beliefs on war in Iraq? Did yours? When over 50% of the population do not support war, or are at the very least unconvinced of its legality, how can a vote of 412 to 149 reflect the democratically held views of the electorate? Simple - they don't. Yet now the government is asking the public to back a decision strong-armed through parliament with the help of the Opposition - showing how woefully out of touch Iain Duncan Smith is with the public.


So we're going to war - I wonder how things will turn out when body bags start coming back from Iraq. Politicians make the decisions, but it's always the servicemen who pay the price.

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